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Posts tagged ‘big’

Curious

Amber was a shy kind of curious..

I loved that about her..

Whenever we hung out she would smile just a little too long.. stare at my mouth just a little too intently.. she constantly played with her hair and bit her lower lip when she focused her attention on me.

Not everyone would pick up on her signals.. in fact, no one we hung out with caught on to her attraction to me.

But I did..

When we were alone and I knew she was staring at me I would turn and look at her with a knowing glance and she would jump.

One day she asked if we could watch a movie at my place sometime. I gave her an open invitation for it.

That night she came over, smelling faintly of alcohol, carrying a bottle of wine.

I grabbed 2 glasses and a bag of salt water taffy while Amber picked out a movie.

Upon my return from the kitchen I saw her curled up on my couch with a single smooth leg outstretched across the rest of the couch as far as it could reach, leaving no room for me to sit unless I were to slide behind her.

I grabbed a cushion, tossed it on the floor in front of her, and used the couch as a back rest.

I heard a quiet sigh behind me, muffled by a fake clearing of her throat.

“Wine?” She asks
“Please” I respond. And she spills a little wine on me as she pours and starts apologizing in a panic.

I sit up on my knees, run my finger along my still wet breast, lick the alcohol from my finger and tell her that it is okay.

I smile as I wipe the rest off with a napkin and settle back down into my oversized cushion.

She drinks a glass and a half of wine while we watch our movie before she touches me and asks if I want to sit on the couch with her.

She needed liquid courage to take that first step.

I pause the movie, turn and look at her & ask if she is sure.. She stares for a moment, speechless, before she whispers “Yes” and moves forward on the couch a little, giving me space to lay down behind her.

I settle in and grab the remote that was by her stomach and I feel her inhale.

“Don’t worry Amber” I breath against her ear “I won’t make a move on you unless you bring me to the bedroom yourself”

We continue watching the movie and she reaches for my hand, unsure if she should touch it, worried that if she grabs my hand that I will pull away.

She finally touches my hand and I lace my fingers with hers. She inhales again, then wraps my arm around her waist.

Every few minutes she takes a deep breathe and readjusts herself on my couch, pressing her ass to my lap, rubbing the back of her head against my neck.

The movie finally ends.

She lays there still, I know she is scared, she reaches for the bottle again. I grab her hand and tell her she doesn’t need that, she just needs to make a decision.

Amber grabs my hand and pulls me off the couch, walks towards the stairs and stops.

“What do you want to do Amber?”

Silence fills the room, a deafening silence.

She looks upstairs and looks back at me.

“What do you want to do Amber” I state.

She grabs my hand again and walks up the first step and says “I want you to take me to your room” she says so quietly it is almost a whisper.

I grip her hand and slowly start walking her up the stairs.. I step into my bedroom leaving her in the hallway and say

“Are you sure?”

She looks at me and says yes

I pull her into my room and sit her down on my bed with her legs dangling off the side. She tries to scamper onto the bed and I put my hand on her thigh

“No, dear. Not yet”

I run my hand through her hair and kiss her forehead.

“We will get to that later, right now I want to undress you”

Her eyes widen and she stutters “b-b-but”

I kiss her mouth, lightly, just long enough to silence her.

I get down on my knees and begin unbuttoning her shirt & slowly start sliding it off her shoulders.

She leans forward to kiss me back, nervous about my watching her shirt slide off her body.

I let her get comfortable again, continue kissing her until her hands stop shaking.

“Stand up” I quietly order and she reaches for my hands to stand me up as well.

I pull my hands away and nod no. “Stand up.” I tell her again.

She does, and her hands start shaking again. I unbutton her jean shorts and slowly slide the zipper down revealing a peek of her underwear.

I drag my fingers down her legs, pulling her shorts off, kissing her stomach and she jumps once more.

I can feel the goosebumps all over her skin, she puts one hand in my hair and grips, while the other grabs her forearm to hide herself with.

She steps out of her shorts and is standing there in her underwear, with a death grip on her arm.

“Shhhhh, you are done sweetheart, the hard part is over” I tell her.

I sit her back on the bed and she scampers up the bed and hides under the covers.

She watches as I peel off my shirt and slide my shorts down to the floor.. I crawl on the bed and curl up under the blankets beside her and pull her against me, she immediately kisses me and wraps her fingers in my hair.

I roll on top of her and settle my legs between her thighs, she wraps her ankles around my calves and moans in pleasure as I deepen the kiss.

“Take off your bra” I say muffled by her taffy flavored lips. She adjusts and starts to peel off her bra for me. She throws it to the floor and reaches for her underwear.

I grab her hand and stop her. We continue kissing and nibbling on each others lips until she starts taking my underwear off.

Once I was naked she reached for her own underwear once more and this time I pinned her hands above her head.

“No” I say and stop her again.

I kiss her neck, nibble on her earlobe and tug just a little.. she giggles and relaxes noticeably.

I slowly work my way down her torso and as nervous as she is, she is excited by my tounge, slowly licking it’s way down her torso, my mouth kissing her sensitive navel, my teeth biting at her soft cotton underwear.

I lick her inner hip and her back arches. She cries out, and grabs my hair.. shoving my face deeper into her hip as her silky smooth thigh runs along my cheek. All I can feel beneath me are muscles rippling, she came already.

I shove her leg back onto the bed and slowly begin to pull her underwear down her long lean legs. She is crying, begging me to hurry.

I inch the underwear down her legs kissing and licking every sensitive part of her as I go down the bed with her panties. I pull them off her feet and she lays there naked, before me, a gift.

She takes a moment to realize it and then starts to hide herself with her hands.

“No” I order.

She looks nervous again..

“You’re beautiful”

She gives a nervous chuckle.. she begins to speak and I cut her off.

“The only words you are allowed to say tonight are words of passion, or stop”

I spread her feet apart and press my hands on her knees exposing her. She lets out another nervous giggle as I lean in and kiss her knee.

I kneel between her thighs and slowly work my way up. She is trembling so much it is shaking the entire bed. She lifts her legs and put them over my shoulders to keep me from pulling away.

I wrap my arms around her thighs and begin eating her out. It doesn’t take long for her to come again

I loved the taste of her, tangy citrus as she trembled beneath my tounge. Once she regained her bearings she grabbed my hair and tugged gently to pull me back up to lay with her.

I crawled back up with her and she curled up against me.

“I have never come before” she whispers into my neck.

I push her away, far enough to look into her eyes and say “Then you are in for a long night”

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Bikini Body Mommy 3.0 Day 0

Tomorrow is day one of my Bikini Body Mommy 3.0 adventure..

I fail miserably at these programs.. they are too strict.. they deprive too much.. they work you too hard.. they don’t work you hard enough..

I have decided to do BBM 3.0 and have accountability partners.. I’m actually running this BBM journey with a few online friends.. I’ll be the one posting the videos and asking for updates from the people who have joined me..

I am hoping that since they will be depending on me to keep them motivated, that it means I will stay motivated myself..

I have decided that I will not be following her meal plan.. I will take the supplements that she has suggested and do her work outs.. I will be increasing my water intake as well.. but I will eat what I like and practice moderation.

Bright at early tomorrow morning I will weigh myself for the first time in over a month.. which will be horrifying.. and I will post it publicly  which is even more horrifying..

I went though a depression for that month that I didn’t step on a scale.. and I am a comfort eater..so that doesn’t really bode well for me. I’m not sure what I weigh right now, but I can guarantee that it is more than 200 lbs so I am a bundle of nerves tonight because I know I will not be happy with what I see on the scale.

For now.. I will try not to let it get to me too much.. but seeing as I am writing about it.. it’s not easy to not think of.

I am not sure how regularly I will be posting about it here as I will be posting it in the womens group that I am in and posting it on Instagram.. But I will try to keep you updated.. My invisible reader.. who is so invisible that it doesn’t show in the stats that you have read my blog entries.

The incredible shrinking mama

Big mama is just like every other mama out there.. making new years resolutions desperate to be in ideal shape..

On my Facebook I have posted a picture every day of my weight.. I am going to be doing my measurements every once in a while so I can watch the difference in everything..

Here is what I have so far:

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And here are my measurements today:
Bust: 40″
Waist: 36″
Hips: 48″
Arms: 13″
Thighs: 28″

Here they were August of last year:
Bust: 44″
Waist: 37″
Hips: 48″
Arms: 13.5″
Thighs: 30″

I am not sure how to keep blogs interesting anymore.. I used to write all the time.. And I never ran out of things to say.. but that was back in the days of MySpace when blogs were cool..

Are blogs cool anymore?

Don’t answer that.. I don’t want to know if I am spiraling into the uncool mom zone.. my teenager already thinks I am there..

I think I will end my blog here for now.. if I come up with anything witty I will let you know right away..

Or you know.. write another blog..

Or.. .. .. something.. *blink*

S’cuze me.. I gotta go do mom things now..

Finally! A reason to blog again

As you can tell by the dates on my blog.. I get spurts of need to write.. just little spurts here and there.. and it’s because I lack anything interesting.. seriously.. the weight loss/tone up thing is a never ending battle and I hate measuring myself..

Mostly because when I do I remember my perfect adolescent figure and sigh a little.. I know realistically that I won’t ever make it down to that weight and those measurements again.. and if there was some dream world where I did.. I doubt I’d be very happy with it.. I’d probably want to gain a little weight back.

But I saw something today.. Something that made my jaw drop and my eyes bulge out.. Something incredible to watch.. impossible to imagine.. and it made me want to do it.. it made me want to do it 100 times over!

I literally have never seen this done before.. until today.. I saw in on Maroon 5’s One More Night music video.. I rewound it to see Adam Levine do it again.. and again.. and again.. until I got sick of hearing “You and I go rough” on a constant loop… then I scoured the internet in search of the name of this incredible.. impossible sit up..

It was at that moment that I new I had to do it.. I had to work my way up to this Mayweather sit up.. right down to holding the weights and a left/right hook before squatting down to do it again.. I’m not so sure I am inspired by this as I am in total disbelief that it’s even possible.

Honestly I still need to get a full sit up down.. I can do the half sit ups but not the full..

But here is how long I have to accomplish it:
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Wish me luck!

So I have decided to make this my next “Do or die” goal.. I would like to be able to do this by my birthday next year.. I wonder if it’s doable..

I won Dietbet! Now.. to do it again

A little victory happened for me.. as you can tell by the title of my blog.. It was my first dietbet win.

Bigger news.. since August 30th I’ve lost a collective 9.5 inches!
Sad note.. 2 of those inches were in my breasts.. A sad day learning that indeed…

August 20th measurements:
Bust: 44″
Waist: 37″
Hips: 48″
Arms: 13.5″
Thighs: 30″
Weight: 200+lbs Exact Weight Unknown

November 7th, 2014
Bust: 42″
Waist: 35.5″
Hips: 47″
Arms: 13″
Thighs: 28″

I was super proud of my weight loss 3 days ago.. I finally reached a weight that was under 200lbs..

Sadly I’m back at 200.8lbs
I blame it on menstration.. what a horrible way to start a dietbet..

But I am determined to look at the upside..

THIS IS STILL LESS THAN I WEIGHED THE LAST TIME I WROTE A BLOG ABOUT MY WEIGHT
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*fanfare*

erm… or a dirty picture of Steve Carell… that works too..

Today I’ve started a new dietbet.. I submitted the weight in this morning and am waiting for it to be confirmed so they can tell me how much I need to lose.. because apparently I can’t do the math on my own… (8.1lbs in 4 weeks.. I did the math post coffee)

I have nothing intelligent to add after this so I am going to leave it at this.. before I put my foot in my mouth

I get by with a little help from my friends

I love the Beatles.. and I love The Wonder Years..

But this isn’t about either.. this is about me actually needing help..

Ever since I got cut back from 50 hours a week down to 15 it’s been a struggle.. Rent going up again isn’t helping… With full time we barely made ends meet as it was pre-rent hike…

Here is where I use emotional black mail to lure you into donating to my site.

I have 2 kids to take care of..
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They are my everything.. I love them dearly and cannot afford where I live anymore..
My issue is that I can’t afford moving expenses either.. So I’m asking for your help..

I’m looking for donations to help us move into a new place. We’ve put in our 2 months notice and have to be out New Years Eve.

Before you start asking what I’m doing to help myself I’ll tell you..

– I work part time at a place that gives tips.. I have stopped spending the tips.. they are going to my moving costs..
– I do secret shopping on the side of my part time work and am saving that money as well.. sadly that only pays $3-5 a job and it costs me $3+ just to go out to said locations
– I do Avon as well to earn extra money but am still struggling to make a profit with that little endeavor.. I know a profit can be made.. I did avon once before and managed to make a profit from it back then.. I only stopped because I had 2 other jobs at the time and chose to quit avon.
– I am selling as much of my stuff as I can before the move.. clothes, electronics, craft supplies, artwork.. anything that isn’t nailed down.. and probably even some stuff that is..

But I have debts to pay off.. I’ve used my credit cards to make ends meet and need to pay those off AND pay for my moving expenses..

Once I live in a cheaper place I will be able to get back on track.. and who knows.. I might get a second part time job in the area I will move to..

Right now I’m spending $1800 a month on rent, hydro & transportation and only making $2200 a month, which leaves me with $400 a month for Groceries, bills & emergency expenses.

I know that I can get a cheaper place, I’m currently looking at a place that is $1100 all inclusive. I’d be able to pay off my debts, save some money for the next move I end up doing, buy my kids nice things again and not kill myself trying to make ends meet for a little while.

As you can see, I have an actual plan to get back on my feet, this won’t be me every single week begging for a handout.

Please.. anything you could donate would be incredible I really would like to change my life and I believe this is the first step to doing so.

Just to make donating easier for you, my entire blog is a link to my donate page.

Thanks so much in advance, you have no idea how much your donation means to me.

Big Mama & family.
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Dear Rational Thought… I’m sorry

I am a rational person… I believe in science and ever growing knowledge through research, trial & error and a pure need to know the unknown. I have never been one to turn to the paranormal or religion to explain away things I don’t understand..

But there is one thing that I don’t understand.. And I am going to tell you about it right now. You can let me know your opinion good/bad/otherwise in the comments below:

I survived a house fire when I was 16.. 2nd, 3rd & borderline 4th degree burns all over my left leg & some 1st & 2nd on my right leg.

I woke up hearing my brother screaming at me to get up.. I mean screaming the panic in his voice shot me sitting straight up..

When I woke up I was surrounded by blackness & I couldn’t breathe… I looked down at my feet I saw the silhouette of flames around my feet.. Not the bright orange room with flames all around like you see in the movies. I didn’t know what to make of it at first.. until I realized.. it was a fire.. and I was sitting in it

I tore off the blankets, leapt off the bed and ran for the door. I collapsed right by my door and cried out in pain.. that is when my foster mom kicked the door in, grabbed me & dragged me out of the bedroom.

She told me to call 911 and evacuate the house while she tried to put the fire out. So I did.. I hopped downstairs and woke up the other foster kids and told them to get out of the house that it was on fire.

Went back upstairs and called 911 while my foster-siblings not believing me, followed me up the stairs to see what was going on. I told the operator to send a fire truck and they asked if we needed an ambulance and I kept saying “I don’t know if we do, mom they want to know if we meed an ambulance, I don’t know what to say”

She came into the kitchen and asked if my lungs hurt from smoke inhalation at all.. then looked down at my feet and realized that I had more than just smoke inhalation and took the phone out of my hand and told them to send an ambulance.

I stared at her but couldn’t focus on anything.. it was like I was watching her with tunnel vision.. apparently by this time shock was setting in because I was telling her I was alright and saying I just wanted to go back to bed.. I don’t remember that..

I remember being carried by fire fighters

I remember being asked if I knew where I lived.. a lot..

I remember them giving me T3’s when I got to the hospital..

I remember finding out I was allergic to Codeine that night as well when my skull hurt more than my legs did and my chest felt like it was imploding..

I remember being shoved down onto the hospital bed hard and a sharp pain in my thigh.. which I can only come to believe was epinephrine or adrenaline.

And I clearly remember hearing my brother screaming my name to wake me up and get me out of the house.. but the thing is.. he died 3 months earlier..

I would like to think of myself as a rational person.. but I honestly can’t explain why my brothers voice woke me up..

I am glad it did though because the firefighters & doctors said that judging by how bad my burns were.. I must have passed out from smoke inhalation at least once.

Question of the day:
What do you think really happened that night?

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